My Pursuit of Happiness

This past year has been one of the most challenging years of my life. It has been filled with some of the highest of highs followed by the lowest of lows. I made some huge changes in my life in the pursuit of happiness.

I've made new friends and lost old friends along the way. I had a hard time understanding how one can walk away from a friendship I had held dear. I have learned to move on, to forgive and forget. Throughout this process I had old friends check in on me and new friends who never left my side. I am forever grateful for all of their love and support.

My confidence took a huge hit. No matter how many people I had around me I felt alone. I was a hot mess. In the start I don't think a day went by that I didn't cry. Not because I doubted my decision but because I was scared. I was scared to be alone, I was scared about money, I was scared about my future, I was sad to not see my kids. I didn't want to burden anyone with my problems. Being away from my kids for a week at a time was the hardest thing for me to get used to. Having been with them 24/7 for 6 years to suddenly not see them for 7 days broke my heart every time (and it still does). I have learned to keep myself and my mind busy and to maximize every minute when I have my boys.

I learned to cope. I realized that life is one giant learning curve. One day you think you think you are sitting pretty, have it all figured out. The next day you are hit with what you think is an unfathomable problem that you will never make it through.  But you do, you just keep going.

I am glad to say that I have finally reached a place of happiness. A place where I finally feel content. This is not to say I don't have breakdowns every now and then. Those closest to me have seen me breakdown crying for really no particular reason. But these are getting further and further apart.

I am excited for my fresh start. I am excited for my gym, the gym is my place of happiness. The people I have met through Perpetual and the energy of everyone in the gym brings a smile to my face everyday. I have purchased a new home for my boys and I! I can't even express how proud I am of myself. I have never done something like this, i have never been in control of my own money, my own purchases, my own life. Being able to bring my kids home to a home that is OURS, that we will create together brings me so much joy!

My greatest love is my boys. Watching them grow into the amazing little men that they are! Their hugs and 'I Love you Mom' keep me going. Their nighttime cuddles, their silly antics, their goofiness fill my heart! I look in their eyes and I can see that them just being with me is ALL that they need. And it is ALL that i need.

This entire process has shown me that people come into my life at the perfect time for the perfect reason. I am truly blessed and so grateful for everyone (family and friends) who has stepped up and supported me through this. I feel nothing but love for you all!

The fresh smell of poop

Ok so i admit it, last night, for the first time in a long time I had a few margaritas. I had friends over and actually enjoyed my night. It was hot. The house was a flapping' sauna. So by the time I went to bed I was sweating. For some reason (well actually not for some reason, because I live out of my car) all of my pyjama pants were in the car and I was MUCH too lazy to go and get them so I slept in my underwear.  (I'm painting you a picture, I am actually going somewhere with this).

Exhausted and sleeping, 7 am comes. I hear this little voice from the bathroom. 'Mom, when I was peeing some poop came out'. I roll over and tell him(Wyatt) that sometimes that happens. Assuming he can deal with this issue himself I go back to sleep. 2 minutes later, 'Mom, there is poop on my foot and some on the floor'. I grumble and roll out of bed. Staggering to the bathroom in just my underwear and no glasses I come across Wyatt in the bathroom. I was hit with an overwhelming smell of poop. I look down and see Wyatt, COVERED in poop, and no word of a lie, POOP everywhere.

The only thing I can think of is going back to sleep, I feel ill (and now even more sick and dry heaving in the bathroom).  I go back to my room and search for my glasses, they are nowhere to be found. The house stinks. I find my glasses. I wonder HOW on freaking earth did this happen and WHY today. Honestly, why today.  To spare you from the details, I clean Wyatt up and put him in the bath. ALL i want to do is go back to sleep, but what kind of parent would I be if I put my kid in the bath and then fell asleep. I wait for Wyatt to clean up. I go do a laundry. The house STINKS. I realize that SOMEHOW poop got on the carpet. This is perfect for selling a house. Poopstained carpet. PLEASE come buy our house. I clean up the carpet. STILL can't find any pants. WHERE are ALL my pants!

Finally everything is cleaned up. Wyatt, the bathroom, the carpet, my foot (yes I stepped in poop) and i'm ready to go back to bed. Well great, in the meantime Ethan has woken up and the boys are ready to play. I try to sleep through the playing, but they are playing superheros and apparently super hero YELL!

My morning, all before 7:30 am.